every day

Lately it feels like every single day I am reminded about how things are so much harder for our little ASD angel than for other kids.  When he was a baby we had no idea anything was different.  Then for a couple of years we knew and sometimes things were really tough, but sometimes things were almost normal and we didn't even really think about ASD for a while.  But it has been while now that it is almost every day we are reminded that things aren't the same for him as most other kids his age.  I wonder if this is just the way it is going to be as he gets older.  Are the differences going to become more and more noticeable as he gets older?  I keep hoping he will learn and catch up and things will be less noticeable, but am I just in denial?  Will we be able to forget that he is different? Should we even try?  Or should we embrace and accept it?

being glad even when I'm not

The other day I heard a story about two kids in my angel's first grade class, just a little crush thing between two students, stupid drama stuff.  And I said, "THAT is why I'm so glad that I have a child that is completely oblivious to anything social!"  And maybe it is true that I am glad that I don't have to worry about little kid crushes, but really I am just trying to find any reason that I can be glad and not sad that my little angel has no close friends other than his siblings.  Because, to be honest it almost breaks my heart every day when I ask him who he played with at recess and he says he played by himself.  But I am so grateful for his close relationships with his brother and sister.  They are the greatest playmates and they truly love to play together.  I know our children were all sent to us because our Heavenly Father knows and loves them and us.

momma friends

I don't know what I'm supposed to feel.  It is tough when my friends they talk about their typical children that are the same age as my angel.  I am happy for them, their children are wonderful.  Really.  But I don't say much because they just can't relate to being an ASD parent.  Then I noticed there is this whole community out there of autism parents so I read websites and blogs from those parents and suddenly I feel so guilty for feeling like people couldn't understand my world because these other parents have way more they are dealing with.  My angel is so high functioning they would laugh.  I can't relate to them just as much (or more) as my friends with typical children can't relate to me.  So who can I talk to about what it is like.  I don't want someone to feel sorry for me, I want someone who can relate to me.  Truth is, every kid with ASD is different, heck, every kid is different.  Real friends may be those with typical children, may be those with autistic children, or they may be those in another situation.  Maybe they can't relate, but they learn how to be a friend even when they don't understand.  Those are the real friends

back to school

We made it through the first week back at school. Hallelujah!  Growing up back to school was always exciting and fun and all kinds of wonderful.  Having my little ASD angel back to school has a whole new meaning and flood of emotions.  As momma I have all kinds of anxiety about having him in the care of someone new, someone I don't know well.  I have a hard time letting our angel go to school because I cannot be there and I don't know what is happening.  The little tidbits I can get out of him after school I can only try to piece together and rarely get much of anything, and that can be scary.  It is a whole new routine and new people, which can be tough for him to adjust to. However, I know that it is what is best for him and for us.  He needs to learn and he needs to be around other people. I can't keep him in a bubble, that wouldn't be good for any of us.  He does have a good teacher and the staff at the school is excellent.  I am planning on being a parent volunteer so I can have a better idea how the day really goes for him.  I am grateful for the dedicated teachers who are so understanding and work hard to teach all of their students.  We survived the first week, hopefully we will have a great year.

routines

One of the major discoveries we have had this year is the amazing impact of visual schedules and routines in the life of our angel.  Last summer we started posting a 4 month calendar on the wall of his room so that he could anticipate events that may be coming.  It was incredible how much he loved that.  I also regularly talk with him about what to expect each day and it is very important to him that he know what is going to happen before it happens.  Recently I dedicated an entire wall to displays of visual agendas and routines for our family.  He loves it and thrives on following them.  It is a great tool for getting him to do all the things he needs to do each day.  When it is on the schedule and he knows it, he doesn't fight it nearly as much, if at all.  It is actually beneficial to our whole family, we all accomplish a lot more when it is all planned out.  But I must admit it is not as easy for me as I wish it was.  I love lists and schedules, but over the last several years of being a stay at home mom I've gotten used to being able to do things when I want to do them.  And I don't have anyone making me stick to my schedule, even if I plan it out.  I'm doing my best to do it because I know it is what is best for my angel and myself and my family.

habit training

One of the big struggles we have had is with potty training.  Still not sure what all the difficulty stems from.  Suffice it to say that it has been the greatest source of discord in our home.  Over the past 4 years I have tried absolutely everything I could think of to make progress in this area. I've talked to people, read books, searched the interenet, everything.  We finally conquered the daytime wet training a couple of years ago, but could never get the solids.  Recently I read (another) book on potty training, this time one specifically for children with autism or other developmental difficulties.  One of the suggestions was habit training.  Thinking about my angel, I thought, this might actually work.  Thing is, it takes a long time to see if it produces results.  We have been doing it for a week now and have had one success, which is a big deal.  I am crossing my fingers and praying and really, really hoping this works.

lately

I have been overwhelmed with everything lately, again.  Every time I think about the struggles we are having or go to a meeting about ASD related issues I literally feel like I want to throw up.  Yeah, you could say it stresses me out.  I have to tell myself it is all just fine and calm down.  Honestly sometimes I wish I could just not think about it at all.  But I love my little angel and I will do anything I need to do to help him out.