endless questions

I get tired of trying to answer the never ending questions about my angel.  Every new person has a thousand questions that I am supposed to be able to answer.  We've seen so many psychologists, speech language pathologists, pediatric neurologists, on and on and on.  Every time we try to apply for a new service or see if we can make some kind of progress we have to go through evaluations and that means questions, lots of questions. I wish we didn't always have to analyze him. And I really don't like to label him.  But if that is how we get help for him and for us, then I will do whatever we need to do. I love my angel and I will do anything for him.

what is it like?

What is it like to be told your child has an autism spectrum disorder?

I don't know what it is like for most people.  I only know what it was like for me.  I know that sitting there looking the school psychologist in the eyes suddenly I felt a little faint.  Maybe a bit light headed.  I was disconnecting from my emotions because I didn't know how to handle it.  Disconnecting was my way of dealing with it logically, pragmatically.  "Okay." Was pretty much all I said at first.  I was very calm, collected (probably in shock).  She assured me it was all going to be just fine and that he was very high functioning.  He (and we) were going to be just fine.  I'm sure I nodded in agreement.  "Of course, we just needed to know so we can help him."  She asked if I had suspected something like this.  After all I had brought him in to be evaluated.  Even if I had somewhere in the back of my mind suspected, I hadn't suspected.  I told her that I wasn't sure what was up, but we knew we wanted to find out so that we could help him as best we could.  I was very rational as I took the information I was given that day and said I would do everything that they recommended I do.  I thanked them, got my kids in the car and went home.

Just like one ASD child is totally different from another, I'm sure our experiences being told they have ASD vary greatly.  But I bet we all have one thing in common, it changed our lives.

the first indication

When we put our angel in preschool we didn't suspect a thing.  We were as anxious and excited as any other parent.  However, it wasn't long before the preschool teacher started noticing things that were different about him.  She tried to point them out to me but I dismissed her.  I figured she just didn't know my child; she didn't know what she was talking about. Honestly, I was a little offended when she told me she thought I should get him evaluated.  As the year went on I saw some of the things she had been pointing out.  I gradually started to think that there may be a few things we could work on a little more with him to help him catch up.  She insisted it would be good to get an evaluation and that it would be best to have it done before kindergarten, in case there was anything extra we could do for him.  Eventually I gave in.  I really did want what was best for my child and if there was anything more I could do for him I wanted to do it.  I set up an assessment by the school district. I was shocked to find out that this assessment took place over 6 appointments over the course of a couple months.  Little did I know this was only the beginning of endless meetings, appointments, and evaluations. 

long term

Our angel had always been just that- an angel.  He came into this world as a huge blessing and he is still a magnificent blessing!  He was such an easy baby, always easy to feed and a great sleeper.  He was almost always mellow and easy to please. People said we were spoiled and they were right.  He was a late talker and a late walker, but nothing too unusual.  We noticed a limp when he started walking and he had to undergo hip surgery at the precious age of 19 months, followed by a cast, follow up surgery and a brace.  That was a very traumatic experience for all of us, but 100% heal-able.  Once he was healed, that was it.  Nothing to worry about ever again.  I told myself I was able to handle it because I knew it would end.  When we started to worry about language and social delays with him I coped by telling myself that this would be a hurdle we could overcome and be done with too.  I told myself it was just a delay and we would catch him up and that would be the end of it.  I think sometimes I still subconsciously allow myself to think that.  But the truth is, this is a long term deal. He will be fine and we will all overcome, but it will take a lot of time and effort and it will not be cut and dry.  New things will pop up and we will feel like we are starting all over again. But I have absolute faith that he will be successful in life and that he will be happy.  We can do this.

why I started this blog

I started this blog as a way to let out my feelings in regard to being a momma to an angel with an autism spectrum disorder.  Sometimes I just need a way to express it all.  I am sure that a lot of other parents out there will be able to relate to things in my life.  I am also sure that there will be vastly different experiences from mine as well.  I hope that we can respect, support and uplift one another and not judge or put each other down. I hope you enjoy it here. Thanks for dropping by!